If you wait until you feel like doing something to do it, the chances are slim that you'll actually make the changes you want to see. You can increase your self-efficacy by acting the way you want to act -- regardless of whether you believe it at first. Your expectations are often enough to make something happen.
That is why faking it till you make it works. Set realistic goals. Remember that changing yourself takes time. Set realistic goals for yourself, and don't beat yourself up if you stumble now and then. This is normal. Realistic goals about being more outgoing might look different for you than for someone else. For example, making eye contact with one person each day might be a big victory for you. Choose goals that are realistic for you. Acknowledge that being outgoing is a skill.
Even though it might seem like being outgoing comes easy for some people, that behavior was learned over time and you can learn it too. If you know some outgoing people, ask them questions. Were they always that way? Do they ever feel like they have to try to be outgoing? Do they have their own versions of social phobia? The answers will probably be no, yes, and yes.
It's just something they've decided to take control of. Think of past successes. When you're at a party, that familiar anxiety might overtake you as you think about interacting with the other people there. You might have some negative thoughts about your ability to successfully interact with other people at the party.
In this situation, think about situations where you successfully interact with people and feel comfortable. You're probably outgoing around family and friends, at least sometimes.
Carry that success over to this situation. Thinking of all the times we did what we're currently afraid to do shows us that we are capable and makes us more confident. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Be aware of your surroundings and live in the moment. If you're not enjoying yourself, nobody else will! Helpful Not Helpful When people are asking you questions about your life, make sure you ask them back about their lives. It's easy to forget about, but it makes conversations go much farther.
Helpful 87 Not Helpful 6. Sample Ways to Make Friends. Sample Ways to Overcome Shyness. Self Deprecating Humor Examples. Smile as often as you can. When you're by yourself or with other people. It will put you in a better mood and therefore make you more outgoing. Once you feel comfortable reaching out to people, take the next step. Learn how to have a good conversation and how to be charming. Being yourself is the best way to be confident. Helpful 81 Not Helpful Go up to people. If you see someone you don't know, but seems pretty cool, just say "Hi, what's your name?
Nice to meet you! Helpful 28 Not Helpful 7. Remember that it isn't going to be just a quick transformation from shy, introverted or quiet to outgoing. It may take days, months or even years to be at your best confidence level. Take your time. Practice being outgoing by chatting with people. It could be in the classroom or the boardroom. It doesn't make a difference. Helpful 1 Not Helpful 2. Related wikiHows How to. How to. More References About This Article.
Co-authored by:. Co-authors: Updated: March 28, Article Summary X To be outgoing, start by being polite to others, which can include saying "thank you," making eye contact, and introducing yourself to strangers. In other languages Italiano: Essere Estroverso. Deutsch: Aus sich heraus gehen. Bahasa Indonesia: Bersikap Ramah. Nederlands: Spontaan overkomen. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,, times.
Reader Success Stories Ramon May 29, It takes time to be an outgoing individual, but it is always possible. It just takes confidence, trust and intuition of who we are, where we go and how people react psychologically and morally. Rated this article:. More reader stories Hide reader stories.
Did this article help you? Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Ramon May 29, Darlene Moturi Jan 15, I just got transferred to a new school. No one has bothered to talk to me at all for the first week and I feel really lonely considering at my old school I was really popular.
I'm going to try these tips and see if they work for my second week. Sidsel L. Oct 11, This is just how I do. Didn't know it until I read this article. I was shy when I was younger. I decided to be outgoing by copying outgoing persons. Fake it 'til you make it! Nina Guzman Aug 22, Since I have self esteem issues and am very shy, I should just start off with making small changes. It will make you more confident, and people love that. Shane Duncan Sep 4, This article helped me do just that.
Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories. You Might Also Like How to. Featured Articles How to. Trending Articles How to. New Pages How to. Watch Articles How to. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Follow Us. The funniest remarks are usually spontaneous and arise naturally from a situation. Watch funny films and TV shows. Do not copy jokes or stories, but observe how characters deliver great lines and why they are effective. If jokes fall flat, ask yourself why.
Fill in this Humor Styles Questionnaire to find out what kind of humor you tend to use. The questionnaire will also tell you how other people might perceive your jokes. Self-deprecating humor is effective in moderation, but if you put yourself down too often, others might think you have low self-esteem.
They may also feel uncomfortable because you have exposed your deep personal insecurities. Reframe the experience as a learning opportunity.
Not everyone enjoys joking around, and some people only respond to very specific types of humor. It can easily turn into bullying, and you may inadvertently hit on one of their deepest insecurities. If you accidentally go too far and upset someone, make a quick apology, and change the topic.
You can find more tips on how to be funny here. Smile and make eye contact with other students nearby, then move to small talk if they seem open to conversation.
Simple remarks about the class material, an upcoming test, or why you like the professor are enough to start a conversation. Pick a role that involves direct contact with customers or service users.
Take small, sustainable steps at your own pace. Find the place people like to go during their breaks. When you have some free time, go there too. Offer more than a one-word answer; give a response that invites a conversation. I went to the new art gallery that just opened in the city. Did you do anything fun? Changing your attitude will make you naturally more curious and outgoing. Write down a list of ideas and points you want to raise. Instead, share sincere compliments, focus on what is going well at work, and lift other people up.
Your coworkers will be drawn to your positive energy, which in turn will help you feel more confident. Even half an hour is better than not going at all; you can have a great conversation in 30 minutes. As you become more comfortable around your coworkers, you can try to stay for longer periods each time.
These answers will help you prepare good questions and topics for conversations. For example, if the organizer works for a tech company and has invited some colleagues, it might be a good idea to skim a few of the latest tech-related stories on your favorite news website.
Before leaving for the party, decide what you want to achieve. Having a goal keeps you focused on other people and your surroundings. Be specific. Perhaps the person you are talking to might look slightly bored. They might excuse themselves and then go and talk to someone else. The next step is to identify how you could respond if your fear came true. To continue the example above, you could take a few moments to breathe, get a fresh drink, and then find someone else to talk to.
As a general rule, most people go to parties to unwind and have fun. Stick to safe topics. When you meet someone new, ask them how they know the host, then focus on learning more about them.
Avoid getting into heated debates and steer clear of potentially controversial subjects. For more inspiration, check out this list of questions to ask at parties. Outgoing people tend to join group conversations if they think the topic is interesting. To do this, begin by standing on the edge of the group. If they seem open and friendly, make eye contact with whoever is speaking and smile. Then you can make a contribution to the discussion.
Alcohol is a popular social lubricant at parties. A few drinks can make you feel more outgoing and confident. You may also discover that the connections you make with other people are more meaningful and authentic when you drink in moderation. Some situations are harder than others. Compared to extroverts, introverts prefer less stimulating environments and find social events more tiring. They tend to focus on their inner thoughts and feelings instead of looking for external stimulation.
Introverts are content to spend time alone and are often very self-aware. However, sometimes you might want to try being more outgoing. For example, if you want to make new friends, acting more extroverted can make it easier to attract others to you. We can become so attached to a label or identity that we feel reluctant to change our ways. It can even feel as though you are betraying your true self. Yet you can change your behaviors without losing sight of who you are. Humans are complex.
We are capable of changing our personality traits and can adapt to new social environments. Start by arranging to hang out with two or three people at a time. Do an activity that gives you all something to focus on or talk about, like visiting an art gallery or going on a hike.
But small talk is the first step to building rapport and developing relationships. Outgoing people understand this. They tap into their underlying curiosity and make careful use of small talk to learn more about others.
What did you think? For more tips on how to make small talk, check out this guide. Extroverts often thrive in loud, busy venues like bars and noisy parties, but introverts tend to find it easier to be outgoing when they are around people who share their hobbies, values, and interests. Browse meetup. Volunteering is another good way to connect with likeminded people. When you arrive somewhere new, get acquainted with your surroundings and find a quiet place you can retreat to when you feel overwhelmed.
Knowing that you can have a few minutes away from the main group can help you stay relaxed. Aim to stay for at least half an hour, then leave if your energy levels are dropping. Here are three of the best books on how to be outgoing. They will show you how to be more confident around other people and develop your social skills. This book will teach you how to not be shy in social settings, how to make friends, and how to improve your social life in general.
If you struggle to be more outgoing at work or when attending business events, get this book. It will teach you how to use conversation and non-verbal communication to create a good impression and build relationships in professional environments.
For more books about social skills, see this guide. David Morin is the founder of SocialPro. He's been writing about social skills since Follow on Twitter or read more. I think you could add a section on peer group. We adapt to the social norms of our peer group.
So if our peers are social, fun, and lively, we will become like them. Thank you so much for the article. When I was in grade school, I used to get bullied because of my look being too tall compared to others at the time, my teeth, my look, how I dress. I was shy and not very confident. After moving to Canada, I also struggled with language barriers. I became more self-conscious about my look and even the way I speak.
When it comes to relationships, I had been way too needy because of insecurity. At work, the insecurities have been pulling me back. There are other factors that make me feel unconfident too — my family feeling being judged and criticized, my dad would interrupt me. I feel like I have the opposite of the spotlight effect.
I also have a speech problem that I am insecure about so that makes me even more shy than I already am. I compare myself to my friends who are very sociable and popular and beautiful. I also just prefer to be alone sometimes and am very introverted and need my space. I am too self conscious and think that people are constantly judging me, the spotlight effect is a problem as well. I hated my nose, and how much my ears stuck out, I was slightly over weight and a freckle on the middle of my chin and a sucky smile.
I am scared to meet new people. I always feel like I am being judged. In the moment, I am just so nervous that I never say the things I want to say or act the way I want to act. I always leave situations unhappy with my personality. I found out I acted like her is because I was with her all the time. I never really liked my stomach. At school everyone made fun of my unibrow but I changed that by plucking it all the time so nobody knew at my new school.
I have a big nose, i still have braces and im unsatisfied with my teeth, i have crooked lips, my mouth gets dry when im nervous not good , i feel overweight, i may not have a good sense of style, im poor, i am socially awkward i know, shocker , i have a scar on my lip and forhead: , i dont have perfect skin, i dont like my chin, i have a round face, i have dark circles and bags under my eyes, i have few friends, and never kept close friends, im not up to date with social media and trends and stuff, and im a stupid squid.
This has helped me understand why I do things the way I do, and introduced me to other stuff I can do. For me, I will say am a forced introvert. I grow up like every normal child and liked by everyone but I had a childhood accident that left me with a missing part, because of this people, family and friends, joke and call me insultive names. They even playfully predicts my future. As a young boy this made me very afraid and feel defected. Gradually, I started withdrawing from people and activities I like.
A walking black box. Am the good looking quiet guy that sits alone and mind his business. I got used to being lonely because I found peace and calmness when I was alone and no one to talk about my injury. I fake confidence and i can easily get girls because of my good looks but not the girls I truly like though. I also noticed along the line that I do well in short business meeting engagements.
When discussing technical and important topics with facts and statistics, I can talk long and well but when it comes to making small talks and getting personal, I completely stay away from that because I dislike having the awkward silence and thinking about that makes me nervous.
So David, How do I start making real progress, first with my family, since they where part of how my problem started, I am always uncomfortable around them and over compensate in everythig just to avoid their judgment. And this makes me distant and unlikable. Basically I have developed an inferiority complex. Which is a major problem since I gradually lose belief in myself as I grow older.
How do I go about breaking out of this to improve on my social life and maintain a close social circle? I think I am fat and not that good looking. I have worked tirelessly to cover it up and substitute words I have trouble with easier to say words.
I have gotten so good at it, that when I tell people I have a speech problem they never noticed. As you can probably see being social, especially towards strangers is difficult when my own name is tough for me to say.
This article was very well written and will hopefully help me become the outgoing I strive to be. I am the one who live childhood alone. If you find self-compassion difficult, try to look at your own mistakes as you would those of a friend. What would you tell your friend? Now follow your own advice. Improving social skills requires practice. That said, you can start small. Take baby steps towards being more confident and social, then build on those successes.
When it comes to the things that really scare us, you want to face your fears in a gradual way, starting with situations that are slightly stressful and building up to more anxiety-provoking scenarios.
Think of it as a stepladder, with each rung a little more stressful than the last. If talking to new people at parties makes you extremely anxious, for example, here is a stepladder you could use:. Some people seem to instinctively know how to start a conversation with anyone, in any place. Remark on the surroundings or occasion. Have you tried the chicken? Ask an open-ended question, one that requires more than just a yes or no answer.
Use a compliment. Note anything you have in common and ask a follow up question. Keep the conversation going with small talk. Stick to light subjects like the weather, surroundings, and anything you have in common such as school, movies, or sports teams. Listen effectively. Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. In fact, introverts can be just as social as extroverts. What this means is that even socially confident introverts will feel tired after a lot of socializing.
You just need to understand your limits and plan accordingly. After a fun Saturday out with friends, for example, you may need to spend Sunday alone to rest and recharge. Take mini-breaks. Even 10 or 15 minutes here and there can make a big difference.
Talk to your family and friends about your alone-time needs. Be up front about the fact that socializing drains you. Good friends will be sympathetic and willing to accommodate your needs. As you put yourself out there socially, there will be times when you feel judged or rejected. Not everyone you approach will be receptive to starting a conversation, let alone becoming friends.
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