What do george lopez say

George Lopez: Lucky? You went with your cousin and she gave birth in the bathroom. Ernie: You're pushing carrots, but you got cake in your teeth. You're a horrible host. George Lopez: It's not true. I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was said about you. Ernie: I'm sorry, George. I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees.

I guess I must have nodded off. I don't know why they're bothering me so much. George Lopez: You know you're supposed to listen to your body, and right now your knees are screaming, "You're crushing us!

Eat a salad! George Lopez: I just need to think of a way for him to kill his appetite. Mom, do you have any naked pictures of yourself? Mel Powers: I just got a letter from Ernie's letter saying I'm prejudice against fat people. Does no one remember how big my second wife was? George Lopez: Oh, yeah, Sheryl. She wore that green dress to the Christmas party and you fired that guy who accidentally put an ornament on her.

Benny: [after Ernie crashes the forklift into the vending machine] Wow. When Ernie wants mini-donuts, there is no stopping him. Angie Lopez: When I was growing up, my mom had a Christmas tree in every room and each one had its own theme. George Lopez: We were poor, on Christmas Eve night I'd sneak into the living room and hang my sock by the fire.

Angie Lopez: [flashback] We should do something special, this is Carmen's first Christmas. George Lopez: She's not going to remember any of this, Angie, she's 3 months old, she hasn't even smiled yet! Ernie: Dude, it's Christmas Eve, everyone's going home to be with their families. George Lopez: Mom, what're you doing here? You're supposed to be at the casino. Benny: Oh they threw me out.

Turns out Tony Orlando doesn't like having women's panties thrown at him. George Lopez: [in George's stop motion Christmas fantasy] Will you be my friend? Benny: Oh I can't, I've got a date with the fat jolly guy in the red suit who likes to bounce me on his lap. George: Max, there's something you should know A neighbor moved in next door who's done something bad George: She had sex with a fifteen-year-old boy Max Lopez: And then Benny: Let's see, I'm pending trial for a crime my ex-boyfriend committed, yesterday I washed women's underwear, oh yeah and my cellmate's delousing didn't take I wish for a pony.

Veronica: [a large bunny's at their picnic table] Tell me this is stuffed, and not Mike in a bunny suit. George Lopez: I didn't think of that. Mike, are you in there? Benny: [comes in with a wrench after Zack is heard screaming] George, George! I found Zack and I stopped him good.

Your son has been in a terrible accident. George Lopez: It's San Francisco. They got men and women, women and women, men and men. Sabs que, it's a free-for-all up there! Carmen Lopez: I get it, it's too soon. I'll just go to bed, but I want you to know things aren't the same. I partied with Chingy and I shared a sandwich with a homeless guy. I've done it all. So no more curfews, no more rules, I'm an adult, and tomorrow night, I'm going out.

George Lopez: [to Angie] She's right. Things aren't the same, they're worse. George Lopez: [to Carmen] You were in hotel rooms. Don't think I'm going to believe nothing happened. Carmen Lopez: Nothing did happen! You want to take me to a doctor and get me tested? I'm still a virgin. George Lopez: We'll go to the doctor. It's at night, We'll go to the emergency room. George Lopez: No, I didn't.

I was never there, I was always busy, I was too hard on you. Carmen Lopez: Yeah, you were, and every time Zack tried to get me to do something with him, I heard you tell me, "Don't do anything you'd be embarrassed to tell me or your mother about. Carmen Lopez: [to George] You were right about Zack. He was only after one thing. Luisa Diaz: [talking about Benny at her trial] She didn't help us at all.

She left because she got knocked up. Luisa Diaz: Why do you twist everything we did? We spanked you, sometimes we did it to your face instead. George: She made one stupid mistake when she was young. She never committed another crime and she's worked at the same job for 30 years. Don't send her to prison. Angie Lopez: I'm going to go upstairs, scrape a dry hunk of toothpaste off of the sink and brush my teeth. George Lopez: Mom, she's tougher than I thought. We ran out of fabric softener, her thongs are like cardboard and she's wearing them anyway.

Benny: Where is the boy who made a pillow out of grass clippings and a trash bag? Where is the little boy who lived for a whole month on Halloween candy? Who used pages from a phone book when we ran out of toilet paper? Max Lopez: It's been three weeks with no TV or internet. All I do is read and go to school. I'm like some poor pioneer kid from the 70's. Max Lopez: Is this supposed to be a good marriage?

If it is, why do gay people want it so badly? Angie Lopez: I didn't need to, I found 40 empties in the back of your mom's car. George Lopez: A stressed-out bride is nothing. At the factory, I work with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers, and I'm not just talking about my mom. There's other people like that there too. Benny: We never had wedding planners. All you had to do was get to Vegas, say your vows at the drive-thru chapel, and be on your way.

George Lopez: Well, Brooke's situation is a little different than yours, Mom. First of all, she's not a minor, she's not pregnant, and she knows the last name of the guy she's marrying.

Benny: I knew his last name. I just didn't know he was going to be using it for his other family, too. Brooke: Everyone else has quit on me. All the good wedding planners are taken. You're my last option. George Lopez: It's not the first time I've been a girl's last option, and like all the other times, I'll take it. George Lopez: [to Brooke] You know why God made you so pretty?

To cover up all the crazy. George Lopez: Yeah, and you're wearing a white dress. So we both stretch the truth a little. Ernie: [seeing George making wedding invitations] How long have you been at this?

George Lopez: Six hours. Would've been done faster, but every five minutes or so, I have to look down my pants to remind myself I'm still a man. Max Lopez: Mom's planning a huge wedding, so Dad is doing the cooking and laundry.

That's why I'm hungry and going commando. Brooke: [about the color on wedding invitations] You said I could have the wedding of my dreams and in the wedding of my dreams, the ribbon is champagne! Ernie: [looking over the wedding invitations] Didn't you make these yesterday? George Lopez: Yeah, but I had to redo them all because Brooke doesn't want to get married on March 29th.

She wants to get married on the 29th of March! Angie Lopez: You know she can't go back to a regular school where the kids are calling her a whore. Ernie: Hey, I'm ready today, Bro. Sabes qu?? I stayed up late watching home improvement shows. I think we could class this place up with some sconces and some Roman shades, huh? George Lopez: Look, take it easy, Queer Eye. We're in way over our heads, Man.

There's no way we're gonna get this done in three days; not with all the plumbing and electrical stuff. Ernie: No George Lopez: No, I don't wanna spend the money. Look, I called Victor and Bobby from the old neighborhood; they're on their way over.

Ernie: Ch-yeah. But remember when they hooked up the septic tank at the Martinez place? They got the lines all crossed up?

The first time the mom used the dishwasher, the whole family got hepatitis. George Lopez: Man, she's barely breaking even! I'm not gonna put thousands of dollars into something that might not pay off.

Remember her candle business? George Lopez: It turns out nobody wants to smell like poverty and cigars. George Lopez: Yeah and it's gotta be really nice, too, Victor. It's gotta have hardwood floors, recessed lighting, crown molding, everything y todo, the whole nine yarns.

Ernie: No way! She's not even allowed in my room; there's a sign and everything; she knows that, fool! You know what?

Whatever, eh. You know what, I don't need this crap. George Lopez: Look. This gotta be done by Monday. That's three days, huh. Can you do it? Victor: [looks to the left side of the garage] Hmm, depends. What about permits? George Lopez: Alright, look it, Angie can't know you're here, okay? So you gotta be out of here by 6 every night, before she gets home from the bridal expo. Bobby: Hold on, hold on, hold the horse, huh. There's a lot of work here for three days.

We don't have a deal until we talk about a equitable compensation package. Victor: [points in agreement at Bobby] Mmm. Now let's see: We got - we got electric, plumbing, [whistles] carpentry, materials Victor: Hey, relajate. We'll get a box! So um Jonathon K. Martin: Me and my secretary were fooling around in my office.

My wife called. I said there was something on my desk, that needed my attention. Now did I lie? George Lopez: You know what Vic? When she goes to her High School reunion, she can bring your ashes.

Oh that's not an ash tray, that's my husband. Benny: George, George, we were drunk and we were watching boxing, and well, you know how booze and sweaty guys get my horses running.

George Lopez: [to Vic] You're offering me two thousand dollars to set you up on a date with my sister? I remember yelling at the screen, "Eight's not enough, adopt a little Mexican boy! Angie Lopez: Daddy's gonna stay here while they tend his condo for termites.

George Lopez: You don't need exterminators, Vic. Just get all the bugs together and tell them stories about Cuba. They'll kill themselves.

Vic: That is so sweet, but no. It would be too hard for me seeing you in a room full of people you should have married. George Lopez: Yeah, I guess Angie could have married a cardiologist, got divorced, taken half of his money, hooked up with some young stud Oh, that's what your wife did.

Did I strike a nerve? Probably after the little black mouse under his nose. Benny: I know what you're going through. When I was in high school, they called me easy, cheap, loose Carmen Lopez: [watching Marisol put on makeup] Your eye ends here but your eyeshadow goes way back here.

Marisol: At least I got a reason to put on makeup, all you've done for three days is sit up here and read Angie Lopez: [to Marisol] There's only two things keeping me from tearing into you, my son is asleep next door, and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.

George Lopez: If we see someone along the road and they're dying, what do we do? George Lopez: [to Max's scout leader who's been making racist statements all night] And you, Grand Dragon, you've got to the count of three to get out of my yard! Angie Lopez: [while Mr. Nettles is chasing his tail] Does that look sick to you.

Lisby: [talking about Mr. Neetles's tumor disappearance] It's the same dog because he has the same heart earrings in him. Benny: Wednesday, and I know who the president is too, don't try that with me.

George Lopez: Mom, think back 36 years from yesterday, think how you came to be called 'Mom'. George Lopez: You got Eric Estrada? Angie Lopez: What do you say to 12 friends, Spider-man, a few presents, and chocolate cake? George Lopez: No, 3 friends, no entertainment, one gift, and a baked potato. We're bargaining, I'm starting low. Benny: George, if you expect a dog to bite you, you'll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes.

Carmen Lopez: Oh come on, Mom, you know that's not what he wants. Crappy birthday, Dad. George Lopez: Exactly what is it we're celebrating? Angie Lopez: I'm giving your father the birthday party he never had as a kid. Carmen Lopez: Why can't you just put on Moulin Rouge and dance around for him? Carmen Lopez: Oh, don't worry, you're a great role model for me Carmen Lopez: [busts into the bedroom while George and Angie are talking calmly] Mommy, Daddy, please stop fighting!

You're going to drive me into the arms of a sympathetic gang member! George Lopez: [to Carmen] Okay, two things: You came in a little early Max Lopez: [comes into the bedroom after George and Angie fight] Mommy! Please stop fighting! You're going to drive me into the arms of some pathetic gang member.

George Lopez: But home-schooling, Angie, that's a big commitment. Remember that special moment every morning when Carmen finally leaves for school and you say, "Thank God, she's gone"? You won't have that anymore! George Lopez: [to Angie] You know what you always say to me when I'm down? A door may have closed, but a window just opened.

Benny: Excuses! George Lopez: Not even professionals could teach Carmen. Angie Lopez: I'm trying it on once a week to remind myself not to eat anything that tastes good. George Lopez: Sure, Angie. I ruined our string of bad luck with our dyslexic son, our runaway daughter, and my mother who shows no sign of aging or disease whatsoever George Lopez: My daughter's gonna be class president, valedictorian, prom queen, everything she can't be with those other kids around.

Carmen Lopez: [to Angie] So, now you're accusing me of cheating? This is hell! I can't take it anymore! There's no breaks, no one to talk to, it's just you all day! Have you ever spent 8 hours with yourself? No wonder Dad always hides in the garage. Carmen Lopez: [discovers Max is peeking on Olivia through a hole in Carmen's wall] So what do you think of my little brother?

Max Lopez: [after Carmen's prank lands him in the hospital with stitches in his head] I'm gonna kill her. Max Lopez: No, I mean it, I'm really going to kill her, and Grandma told me how to make it look like an accident. Angie Lopez: You're NOT killing anyone, and now you know what it feels like to have your privacy violated.

Benny: No you don't, you treat the boy better. But Carmen's gotta get used to it; it's always been this way. I cannot tell you how much easier my life would've been if I'd had something dangling between my legs.

Benny: Max, how's your head? How many bottles of beer am I holding up honey? Angie Lopez: [talking with George on his cell phone, unaware he's right outside the sliding door] Are you coming home soon? George Lopez: Yeah, and by the way, make sure you lock the doors, I heard on the radio there's this guy going around breaking into people's houses.

George Lopez: As long as you're a tax deduction, you will always be safe in my home. George Lopez: [sees the picture Carmen took of Max] You fight with guys, you peep at girls, you sleep in your underwear with a pink bunny, you're a complex dude, Max. George Lopez: [crying too] I got you a cellphone to make everything better, stop crying!

I did when you were little because you were just like a little boy, except you never got caught in your zipper. Carmen Lopez: Well I'm not a little boy or little girl anymore and I'd like to have my feelings respected. George Lopez: It was an accident, Ernie. Who watches TV naked after a shower? George Lopez: What? Oh, hell no.

Hell no! You better hope Brad and Angelina want another little Mexican boy for their collection because I'm not raising another one! Angie Lopez: George, your mom's perfect man might not be in LA. He could be in a trailer in North Carolina or a trailer in Wyoming or a trailer in Alabama. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away. Max Lopez: But most of my friends have already gotten drunk.

I wanna see what it feels like. George Lopez: Let me tell you a tragic story about someone who started drinking at your age. The end. Vic: [to Benny] You will however, die alone with your underwear full of cobwebs. Vic: [about his girlfriend] Last night was our first date and it was magical. She says I am the most handsome man she has ever seen. Benny: That's so nice.

So when you kissed her good night, did her seeing-eye dog growl? George Lopez: Oh, no, Mom, what did you do? Rob a place, shoot someone? I know, you flashed someone and they killed themselves.

Ernie: [to George] And the cashier said he saw the robber talking to a Mexican dude with his little girl right before he robbed the place. Angie Lopez: Yeah, I do. Because having you stay out all night at parties is no different than having you run away. George Lopez: [to Carmen] Any problems with the building? Take it up with the super. He's in the next room and he's Carmen Lopez: [about the mannequin in the wall] The mannequin represents my spirit trying to get out of a spiritual prison.

Angie Lopez: Carmen, your mail came, there's something from a school and a letter from Toby and two pieces of junk mail. Angie Lopez: [gives Carmen the plate] Run up to your room and eat your mail. Carmen Lopez: Why would she need to go to school? She's a dancer and a model. George Lopez: Carmen's about to break. Taylor's eating her food, wearing her clothes and using her cell phone, she's a selfish, ungrateful brat. Carmen now has her own Carmen, night night.

Angie Lopez: Yeah, I do, because having you out all hours of the night is no different than having you run away. We need to know where you are and that you're safe. George Lopez: From now on, you're homeschooled, anything we don't know, you don't know. When was the Korean War? I don't know and neither do you!

What's the Magna Carter? Sorry, bro! Max Lopez: My dad says you should put one of those meters on my butt, you'd make a lot of money! Angie Lopez: There's something I want to talk to you about, but first let me make us a cup of tea. Carmen Lopez: [groans] No! The last time we had tea it was to talk about my special visitor, oh and you forgot to mention she comes with a couple friends: crampy and bloaty! Angie Lopez: [George comes in disheveled with a radio antenna in hand] What happened to you?

George Lopez: Let me ask you a question: if you're a cop, who do you chase? George Lopez: Tell her about being 16 and pregnant, tell her about how I ruined your life. Look, when you're young you meet a guy who seems great, and you forget about what's right or wrong and go to bed with him, and it's pretty good! Benny: I'm not going to lie! But then, he doesn't turn out to be as great as you thought and the next thing you know, you're alone with a baby.

And while the rest of your friends are out having a great time, you're up to your stretch marks in dirty diapers. I gave up all my pretty years for him [points to George]. George Lopez: [showing Carmen pictures of STDs to scare her out of having sex] Some of these diseases can kill you, and then there are others like Angie, where are my genital herpes?

George Lopez: [showing Carmen pictures] This is gonorrhea! Kid 1: [after a kid says the wrong thing to a 'stranger' in the school play] Stop. Benny: I used to read you the newspaper before bed so you knew what was going on in the world. Remember the Zodiac Killer? You said, 'he's not coming to our house, is he?

George Lopez: I remember that. George Lopez: Alright, this movie might be a little mature for you, but I think it's more important that you learn that not everyone out there is a nice person. George Lopez: [after Angie breaks up the kids watcing Texas Chainsaw Massacre, George pulls out another tape] Well there's no lesson here, but lets see what happens when Leprechauns go bad.

Benny: That sign that says 'no smoking', is that just for the kids, or for everybody? George Lopez: [to Angie] Hey, as far as the phone company's concerned, Yoshi stole it. George Lopez: [Max pours cereal into a plunger] Hey buddy, what're you doing? George Lopez: Cereal on a stick. You're going to come work at the factory with me, aren't you? Benny: Your problem is you coddle your children too much.

George was always very independent, he was crossing the street by himself when he was 2. Vic Palermo: [to George] You think this is easy for me? She is my little girl. George Lopez: They shot Tiny Timoteo in the first two minutes of the play? What're they going to do next? Benny: I liked that theatre, I can't wait to see what they do with The Nutcracker.

Carmen Lopez: I can't believe they shot Santa Claus for wearing the wrong colors! We open presents and spend time together as a family, but that's not good enough for you! Vic Palermo: [thinks] I would rather listen to Black Sabbath than have a myocardial infarction.

And that was a free one. George Lopez: I'm sorry, Angie, I wasn't thinking straight, I've got a lot on my mind right now, I'm going in for surgery soon to have a kidney removed. Benny: You know what? When the dead runs out on you and leaves you a 2 year old to raise by yourself, I'll say whatever the hell I want about him.

George Lopez: You told me my father was dead. Maybe if I'd known the truth, I could've met him sooner. Angie Lopez: Good, and she's not supposed to, but if she invites her boyfriend Randy over? George Lopez: [reading Manny's letter] The doctors say I have very little time left, I might not live long enough to Angie Lopez: Oh my God, he died right then and didn't get to finish the letter.

George Lopez: [at the PTA meeting] They know we want cookies, but they hold them till the end, they're evil. I'm going in, Angie, cover me. Angie Lopez: [one of the PTA moms] She was taking a box of canned goods to give to the homeless and she said 'Why don't I just cut out the middleman?

Happy Thanksgiving'. Angie Lopez: You're missing the point, George, they think we're broke because we can't afford to send Max on his field trip. Benny: [all dolled up to meet a guy] I'm going down to the Home Depot and act like I don't know nothing. I'm simply spelling it the way it sounds. The only time I've ever heard a word that sounds like this is in Japanese, the word being "Sasuke".

Now I'm pretty sure he isn'tusing a Japanese term on his show, so what's up? What is he saying? I cannot find it anywhere. Thanks for any answer you all may have. Memories Priceless Wells. Waffles Firsts. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts.

Friends for life! Laughing Guy Noses. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours! Girl Good Luck Sleep. Anne Hathaway Actress. Billy Ray Cyrus Singer-songwriter. Carlos Mencia Comedian. Constance Marie Film actress. Eddie Griffin Actor. Erik Estrada Actor. Eva Longoria Film actress. Gabriel Iglesias Comic. Jamie Foxx Actor.

Jemaine Clement Comedian. Jesse Eisenberg Actor. Jonathan Winters Comedian. Katt Williams Comedian. Mario Lopez Actor. Masiela Lusha Film actress. Paul Rodriguez Comedian. Rodrigo Santoro Actor. Tracy Morgan Actor. Wilmer Valderrama Actor.